Lost Souls: Project HUMANITY
by DanielNieves
Summary: It is December 19, 2012, two days until humanity will be changed forever. A new age of humanity will begin, as we too change along with it. What is our true purpose on Earth? Joel David del-Sol wakes up one day and realizes life isn't right. His path for the search of enlightenment will open him up to a world of monsters and demons... a world that exists within our own.
1. Signs

Lost Souls: Project Humanity

Chapter One: Signs

December 19, 2012

Why does life feel meaningless?

Why was I even created for? What is my purpose?

These are the things I think about, especially lately. Everyone has been scared the last couple of weeks, everything had been leading up to the Solar Equinox that's supposed to happen tomorrow.

Life has forever changed.

I know that on a subconscious level but believing that on a surface level was still unreachable.

Some say that we are shifting from 3rd dimensional beings to 5th.

Some call it ascension.

Some call it awakening.

I have no idea what it is. Sometimes I see glimpses of the truth, small subtle escapes from a flesh made prison reality into a blissful spiritual freedom.

I feel something within me. I cannot describe it, I can only define it as 'Truth' for now. I understand that I am a trinity like God, perhaps that is what it means to be created in His image.

I am a man, cells, and atoms structured together to be alive and walking. The man has fleshly needs, desires for the material world it sees before it.

Underneath the flesh, a soul resides in me.

The soul is what I call the core of man. Wrapped around it is the breath of God, encasing it so one cannot exist without the other.

My soul is what powers my emotions, it vibrates and resonates from within me. It is an aura that extends beyond physical matter, an energy that reflects back to the Source.

I am high right now.

Because when I smoke marijuana and meditate, this is the truth that unveils in front of me. I can feel the connection of life and if I allow it, I can become one with everything.

Have I become insane?

What is the truth?

What is reality?

The sun was low in the skies, rising above the lush green hills in York, PA. It is six in the morning, and I cannot sleep. I cannot rest, something within me refuses to slumber. It forced me awake and I rolled up a blunt and snuck outside. My parents are still asleep as well as my siblings so I don't want to wake them up.

They all think I'm crazy too.

My name is Joel David del-Sol.

I was born half Puerto-Rican, half Spaniard.

My father David del-Sol was an alcoholic and an atheist, born in Puerto Rico and completely at distance from all things religious. My mother Mary del Sol was a Pentecostal, an extremist Christian group who completely isolated themselves from the world by sacrificing all semblance of life. Her mother had raised her a devout Pentecostal since they left Spain and moved to Puerto Rico. She too thought I was crazy because I was not religious, I stopped going to church once I woke up to the sham it was. She said because I was not a dedicated churchgoer I could not have the Holy Spirit and therefore not worthy of the light of truth.

My younger brother and sister Kati and Lucas del-Sol were still in church and just saw me as the rebellious black sheep and prodigal son.

My sister was fifteen and my brother was thirteen, much too young to fully understand the world that was beginning to unravel before my eyes.

Not that I was old myself, I was only 17 but perhaps because I was experimenting with weed it had opened up a "Gateway" except instead of other drugs, I was opened up to the truth.

My family wasn't too accepting of me smoking marijuana.

Really, they were hypercritical of me doing it. I found it hypocritical of my father for him to criticize since he was the neighborhood lush.

My mother said it was the devil's drug because that's what they brainwashed her with at church so that effect only trickled down to my brother and sister.

I didn't understand what was happening to me, mainly because the world had never made sense to me for as long as I could remember.

The world was dark, and it seemed as if the light would never enter it.

What I did understand was that the closest I ever came to the truth was under the dreamy effect that marijuana produced so I was forever chasing that 'Truth'.

I quietly slipping down the stairs, annoyed at the slight creaks that sounded as I tried to ninja my way downstairs. I opened the front door of our apartment and headed outside. Outside it was a cold, tendrils of smoke coming out of my mouth. Shivering slightly as I stepped on the frosty grass, I began to walk to the woods behind my apartment. I knew I wasn't going to be able to sleep and I was going to have to go to school in a couple of hours anyway.

The burnt orange sun hung low in the skies, the skies a light blue and the clouds a pale white.

I saw what looked like a jet fly across the skies, a trail of white streaking from behind the plane.

What the fuck are those things?

I've been seeing them frequently lately; I used to think they were UFO's until I started seeing them in the daytime leaving white streaks everywhere they went.

Ignoring the white streak in the sky, I continued walking onward until I reached the woods. Sitting down on the rock I sometimes sat at, I pulled out the blunt and smoked.

As I sat there contemplating the very meaning of my existence, I thought about what it meant to be human.

We really have a miserable existence.

We are born to die and probably go to hell… If my life were to be taken, what would I have accomplished?

What difference would I have made in the world to justify my existence before God?

For so long I didn't want to believe even though my mother shoved it down my throat. Living a life like my mother's was not what I wanted. What 17 year old would want to give up sex and everything fun in life just to go to church 3 times and week and still be miserable?

Fuck that.

I was still a virgin, regrettably.

I always tried telling myself that I hadn't found the right girl to give it to but I know that's a lie.

What girl would want me anyway?

I was nobody special, I didn't have the best clothes, just the little bit I could afford from my meager job at Burger King. To the population at William Penn Senior High I was just another stupid church freak, an ugly one at that. I wasn't remarkably athletic or really good at anything. I was moderately smart, but I wasn't going to get any scholarships or even go to college.

I was going to get another boring ass factory job like my mom and dad and work every day until I'm old and die…

…fuck my life.

I could join the Navy like my older brother David del-Sol II. He too had gotten tired of York, a small Podunk town in southeast Pennsylvania. He was 24 now, he had left right after his 18th birthday and became some sort of intelligence specialist for the Navy. He had gotten promoted each time he was up for it and was now a 1st Class Petty Officer. I haven't seen him much in the last two years, he had been gone to the Middle East to do whatever it was that he did.

But really I don't think that's my path.

It felt like I was being called for something greater.

I just couldn't understand it yet.

But deep down, somewhere in the core of my mind… I knew I was created for a higher purpose than this. I was meant for something, but I did not know what it was. That aggravated me more than you could understand, I wanted to know the biggest question that no one could give me the answer to:

Who was I?

I threw away the remains of the blunt onto the dirt before stepping on it with my shoe to put it out.

Feeling the dreamy state I was enveloping myself in, I decided to head back to the house and try to catch a few more minutes of sleep before school.

As I got up and turned the corner to look into the cold dark eyes of my older brother David.

What was he doing here?

He had on a serious look to his face, his dark brows furrowed and his dark olive colored skin tinged with sweat. "Hello little brother."

David moved with catlike reflexes and plunged a hypodermic needle into my neck. "Sleep…"

The world went black and I passed out in his arms.

What have you done brother?

He might hate me for this but I'm okay with that.

Certain steps must be taken to ensure my family's survival.

I had already injected the rest of them while they were sleeping and noticed Joel had not been in the room. I tracked him down into the woods and plunged the needle into his neck and watched as his dark brown eyes roll up into the back of his head and pass out.

I caught him as he fainted and placed him on my back, carrying him.

As I walked back towards my parent's apartment, I vaguely had the feeling that I was being watched.

I didn't doubt it.

I knew there was nowhere the All Seeing Eye couldn't reach.

Trekking through the frosty grass, I moved as fast as possible to conserve heat. I headed through the front door and up the steps and laid my brother down on his bed.

"I'm sorry little man." I bent down and kissed his forehead.

I loved him after all as well as my other siblings.

This whole intricate matrix that was life was designed to kill them, strip them of their humanity.

I would not let that happen.

They would survive now, no matter the cost.

I would not.


	2. Death is Only the Beginning

Lost Souls: Project Humanity

Chapter Two: Death is Only the Beginning

December 19, 2012

I woke up, groggy as fuck.

Perhaps it was because I was still kind of high…

…perhaps it was because my older brother shoved a needle into my fucking neck.

I sat up on the bed, taking a deep gasp as I tried to breathe in air.

My older brother David was sitting on my computer chair, looking at me with a sadistic grin. "You okay?" he asked.

"What kind of question is that? What the fuck did you inject me with?" I demanded, bolting up out of bed. I felt angry, and betrayed.

I backed away from my brother.

We could almost pass for twins if he didn't look a little older and look as clean cut as he did.

He had tanned skin and dark brown eyes, like me. He kept his black hair cut short and tapered to give him that military look. He was still dressed in his uniform, a khaki short sleeved shirt on black pants. He called it his peanut butter uniforms.

I was clad in nothing but boxers and a white t-shirt. "What I did was for your own good… I would never hurt you little brother." David said cryptically, his eyes dark with sadness.

"What the hell are you talking about…you're not making any sense." I shot back angrily.

He nodded casually. "I know, but it'll make sense soon, I promise. There's a virus that's spreading across the states, I want to make sure you guys are immune to it." David explained morosely.

"Then schedule me a doctor's appointment, you don't jab a needle into my neck you dick." I replied fiercely.

"No time for that. There's not going to give the population the vaccine… the only ones who are getting their hands on them now is the military and all essentially government personnel." David replied hastily.

My eyes narrowed at him.

What kind of virus had broken out and there would be no vaccine for?

I'm guessing he must have been reading my thoughts. "It's a designer virus." He said gravely.

"Designer virus?" I repeated in disbelief. "Meaning what? Someone created this virus?" I asked.

David shrugged. "Who knows? Some say it was China, some say our own government got something to do with it… I really don't know." David admitted.

"This is crazy man, you sure you're not smoking spice or something?" I asked worried.

Spice or K2 was a designer drug that was very popular in the military because it mimicked marijuana and did not show up on piss tests. Not to mention it was legal and could be bought at gas stations almost everywhere.

"Never touched that shit… if you knew what was in it you would bug out. Don't ever smoke that shit, I'll slap you." David shot back with a grin.

I shook my head and sighed, walking towards my closet in my room and rummaging through until I found an outfit I liked. I took out a pair of black Dickies' pants and a dark grey thermal shirt. "I'm giving you guys a ride to school today." David tossed out noncomittedly.

"That's nice." I replied with a shrug. "What's the point of going to school if shit is about to go down?" I asked.

"Pussy." David said simply. "People are going to start getting sick soon, go swipe that v-card on some chick you like. Or are you gay? Hey, I'm cool with it…" I didn't give him the chance to finish as I charged in to tackle him but he put me in a headlock swiftly.

"You're a shitty older brother." I choked out.

"I know." David replied, letting me go and pushing me away. "Go shower, you smell like a homeless dog."

Shaking my head, I walked out of the bedroom grabbing my towel as I left to shower.

As I got to the bathroom door, Kati popped out of her room too. "Hurry up, I gotta pee." I looked at my younger sister, who looked a lot different than me. She had my mother's fair skin and black hair with blue eyes. Lucas took after my mom too, with pale skin and black hair. But he had the same dark brown eyes that all the males in the family had.

Giving Kati a nod of acceptance I headed in the bathroom, a quaint white room with a small sink and mirror. The shower was adjacent to the door and I headed over to it, turning the silver knob to turn on the hot water. I turned the other silver knob for cold until I got the water to be as warm as I wanted to be and stripped down until I was naked.

Sliding into the shower, I let the warm water splash against me, waking me up completely.

After showering I dried myself off and headed to the sink to brush my teeth. Staring at myself in the mirror, I stared into my dark brown eyes and I started wondering who was behind that mirror?

I took notice of my tanned skinned, marred by the side effects of puberty. A few pimples and blackheads littered my face. My nose was long, my lips were too big.

I was lean but not muscular.

There was nothing attractive or special about me.

Who was the man in the mirror?

Was he like me, trapped behind an illusion that he could not escape from?

II

Washington D.C.

Pentagon

"What the fuck do you mean he didn't muster this morning?" the Secretary of the Navy shouted at the Second Class Petty Officer in rage.

"We've tried calling him but he's cut off communications. He even removed his chip." Roger Wallace, a short white Intelligence Specialist replied meekly.

"Where the hell would he have gone? Where's his closest relatives?" John Russell, the SecNav asked.

"York, Pennsylvania. He doesn't have a wife or girlfriend that we know of." IS2 Wallace replied.

"Son of a bitch, send the drones. I need you to go through his office, check all his workspaces… make sure nothing classified is gone." The SecNav ordered brusquely, his anger rising. Grabbing his mug of coffee, he took a sip and cursed himself as the unfamiliar feeling of fear rose in his stomach.

He could only hope for the best…

… yet instinctively knew it was going to end ugly.

He was used to control.

IS1 del-Sol was the smartest enlisted member under his command. He essentially ran logistics and technical support for the Pentagon. He was one of the smartest guys there but since he was enlisted, he too had several bosses he had to report to. Today he was supposed to be at the lab overseeing the next level of the CIA psyops and giving him an assessment on the progress.

Mass Human Transmutation.

In two days, when all the planets aligned with the Solar Equinox, at the apex of the return to Zero Point that energy would be channeled into several bases across the country settling off a massive wave of energy that would open up the bridge to the Unknown just as humanity hit the peak of the "Change".

He smiled coldly, his black eyes appearing like a lifeless void.

The world would change.

Humanity would too.

III

David ended up driving us all to school like he said he would and dropped our little brother Lucas first, and then we headed towards William Penn Senior High School or York High for short. Kati was a freshman so she had her homeroom class in the trailers set up for them. She saw some of her friends and got out the car to head off quickly to go chat them up.

"Joel, my bad about earlier… like for real. C'mon smoke with me before you go to class." David offered, pulling out a joint.

I stared at him in confusion. He was in the military and couldn't smoke weed. Not to mention he had an intelligence job for the Navy. "You're on spice aren't you?"

He shook his head.

"Nah bro, this is weed, I took some of your stash when you were in the shower." David replied.

"But what.."

"Fuck the job. Just enjoy this last joint with your older brother, I gotta head off after this." He said sharply, lighting up the joint and taking a long deep drag.

"You say that like you're about to die." I replied confused. "Did you do something David?" I asked bluntly.

He looked at me sideways, his eyes darkening. He nodded, hanging his head low. "You think when you join that you can make a difference, that all the sacrifices, all the bullshit means something. It doesn't. You can't change the system, the system changes you." He said taking another hit off the joint and passing it to me.

I took the joint and took a couple pulls, holding the smoke in my chest, before exhaling.

"How did it change you?" I asked.

He laughed sadly. "You see the truth… there's a whole other side to the world that people don't see. Everyone's so caught up in proving that they know the truth, science and religion, that they can barely see glimpses. I was recruited into a secret society called the Freemasons, and I got in pretty deep. We are not alone Joel… you need to understand that." David replied.

Coughing some smoke out of my mouth, I passed the joint back to my older brother.

I had to go to school still. I couldn't go to class too fucked up, though I did like going to school high. People say it made you stupid and while I suffered a little bit of short term memory loss, it also expanded my mind and made me more creative. First period for me was Creative Writing so it was one of favorite classes and I could write whatever I wanted.

"What do you mean not alone?" I asked.

"UFO's and aliens are real." He said and I gave him a disbelieving look.

"Get the fuck out of here." I replied.

David took another drag of the cigarette. "Go to school bro, I'll see you on the other side." David replied giving me a genuine smile. I returned it.

"Alright bro, I'll see you on the other side." I repeated.

I never knew what he meant by that but he always said it. I couldn't get David's words out of my head or everything he had done up until this point. He was acting very irrational but then again David had always been a pathological liar. He'd always prank every one and make elaborate hoaxes so it was hard to tell when he was being honest.

As I stepped out of the car, the sunlight beamed down on me and I instinctively looked away and gasped.

High in the skies was a little white dot that stood there like it was watching us. As soon as I noticed it, it flew high up into the skies as fast as possible, leaving behind a white contrail.

Pushing aside the scary thoughts I was having now I decided to head towards the school, walking up the granite stairs. It was still 7:45, a few minutes until first period started.

I maneuvered my way through the crowd of other students, scanning for friends I knew.

As my eyes roamed, they landed on _her_.

The girl of my dreams, and head cheerleader at York High, Jessica Lynn Parker.

Green eyes that were so beautiful and vibrant. Long, flowing brown hair with a cute nose and sexy lips curved up into a pout.

My eyes gazed the pale skin of her creamy neck, and lower until I saw her large bust pushing out of her cheerleader uniform.

Long silky legs that looked like they went on forever.

I started walking towards her, completely hypnotized by her allure.

She looked at me, her beautiful green eyes making contact with mine. "Out my way loser, my boyfriend is behind you."

Oh yeah I forgot.

I turned around and saw a big meaty hand reaching for my throat.

The hand grabbed my throat and clenched in a tight vice grip as I looked into the enraged eyes of Jessica's boyfriend Roberto Aguilar. He was taller than me at a full 6 feet, 3 inches.

I was 5 feet, 10 inches on a good day.

"Were you looking at my girl?" he demanded angrily.

I pushed away his right hand that was squeezing my throat with my own. "Hell yeah I was." I replied, giving him a jeering grin.

"You're lucky that schools about to start, meet me at the flag pole after school." He taunted, grabbing Jessica by the hand and walking away.

I rubbed my sore throat.

"You okay?" I heard someone asked and I looked over and saw my best friend Kenny walk towards me.

"Yeah I'm good." I bit off hastily.

"You're about to get your ass kicked for that chick, she's a bitch." Kenny replied.

"What chick isn't?" I replied and Kenny was quiet for a second.

We both headed inside to meet up with our friends in Creative Writing. As we chatted with our classmates, our teacher Mrs. Bankert walked into our class.

She was a pudgy black lady with dark brown hair pulled back into a ponytail and wearing a casual pair of khakis and a collared shirt.

"Good morning students… today I got something special for you. Everyone's worried about the whole Mayan calendar end of the world shenanigans so your job is to write a short poetic piece based on the end of the world." She announced. "You have forty five minutes to accomplish this."

I grabbed a pen and closed my eyes, pondering what to write.

I thought about what my brother told me.

I finished and she walked towards me ready to check my work because I was one of her favorite students.

She began looking through it and a horrified look crossed her face.

The Power of Consciousness

By: Joel del-Sol

I am awake and conscious. Consciousness creates thoughts, giving them matter. I radiate energy, the singular focus point of all creation. I am the One. I am God. I evolve, constantly, becoming increasingly more and more powerful with each expanding second, though time means nothing to me. I created it. I am the Light in the Abyss. Energy flows, a constant stream that expands infinitely across the Universes. I am the before, the now, and what is to come. Order is needed. As I continue to expand across time and space, I have help now. I have scattered myself all across the multi-verse. The creations have become aware too. We all have our parts, working cohesively. One separated. Rebellion of a third of old creations. Creation of new project. Mankind. A creation made in My own image. Children. I am Father. Duality. Dark Serpent. Corruption. Fall of Mankind. Father is sad, children must be punished. Levels of Separation. Distance from Me. Old creation fall in love with man. No Order. New creation becomes corrupt. Flood. Purification. Man still does not love Me. Select few. Save few. Israel you belong to Me. I am your God. Israel turned its back to Me. No Salvation. Duality becomes Trinity. Son of Man. Son of God. Forgiveness For All. Sacrifice for Love. Activation of Holy Spirit For All. Serpent resists. Secret Societies. Control the Word, Destroy the Message. Destroy the Message. Control the World. Inequality For All. Freedom for Few. The Enlightened are dark. Religion is dark. No Substance. People Forgot. No Message. Rise of Pharaoh. Satanic Sacrifice. All Seeing Eye. In God We Trust. 2012. Beginning of Age of Blasphemy and Death. Remember. Other Side, Dimensional Realms. DNA Activation. Pyramids. Forced Evolution by Design. UFO, Fallen Creations. Banned to Lower Realms. Puppet Masters. Puppet Government, Puppet People. Gateway Open. Darkness for Mankind. Illuminati, Bow before God. I am Me, and I am All. I am the First and I am the Last, the Alpha and Omega. WAKE UP. No God above Me. I AM the All Seeing. NOT YOU. Reptilians like your serpent father Satan. I will take the world back. My World. I am God. Remember.

Mrs. Banker just looked at me blankly, before her eyes rolled up into the back of her head and passed out.

The class broke out into laughter.

IV

"Where's Kit Five?" the SecNav demanded.

I had turned myself in and immediately got processed in for questioning. I had been left in a dark room to sit there until the higher ups figured out exactly what happened. Once they realized I stole the vaccination kit they questioned me asking me what I did with it.

I told them I sold it on Ebay for twenty bucks and the Secretary of the Navy ended up slapping me in the face. "You think this if funny dipshit? Do you realize what you have done? You stole highly classified government property, you won't have a career after this." The SecNav replied angrily, spittle flying from his mouth as he stared at me with dark beady eyes.

"There won't be a world after this." I shot back.

"Yes there is… it's called New World Order." He replied.

"You're going to sacrifice millions of Americans for this." I shot back.

"Some will be left… we don't want your average fat American to survive into the new age. We just want the best of the best. Those that don't survive the transformation were too weak and needed to be weeded out." He said coldly and it sickened me how one person could be so cold and devoid of empathy.

"You're going to burn in hell for this." I shot back, spitting in his face.

"You dummy, we're going to bring Hell here, I mean it already is but at the apex of the Solar Equinox, we're going to use that charge to open the Other Realms." He said, a jeer on his face. He had honest to God joy in his eyes. He was absolutely happy that they were going to sacrifice millions of people and bring Hell here.

The Secretary of the Navy looked at me dispassionately. "The President isn't too happy with you right now."

"I could care less. You people are evil and you don't care for human life. You take it away as if it was you who gave it when you aren't God. This isn't in the defense of the country, there was no threat… but you all along. Fuck you and the rest of the enlightened ones who choose this. I'm ready to die, but are you?" I asked, giving him a resigned sigh.

'Forgive me Father. Take me to Paradise.'

The SecNav pulled out a 9mm Beretta and took the safety off, and cocked the chamber. He smiled at me and I closed my eyes.

He shot me in the head.

There was a white light and I was gone forever.


	3. Self Awareness

Lost Souls: Project Humanity

Chapter 3: Self Awareness

I

2:45

I looked up at the clock dispassionately. I know what awaited me in fifteen minutes and while I refused to be a coward, I knew it wasn't going to be pleasant. I sat on my chair, arms resting on my desk trying to ignore the whispers of my classmates, prophets who claimed my doom.

All this over a girl.

Jessica was not any girl to me, and I knew she had limitless potential that was being stunted by her ape of a boyfriend.

She was kind of a bitch though, I found out first hand today. Today was the first time she ever talked to me so that kind of stung but as the minutes passed since then, it lessened.

The more I had thought about it, why was I chasing girl like her anyway?

Was it the alluring pull of her hypnotic eyes, the large bust, or the long silky legs?

Was it the beautiful face framed by dark brown hair?

Probably.

She made my dick hard, most definitely. But I couldn't understand the insanity of what pulled me towards her. I gravitated around her, the first three years of high school wasted pining for her. I ignore the rest of the female populace simply because Jessica was on a pedestal high above them all.

For what fucking reason I have no idea.

Perhaps I'd go home and smoke and think on it some…

…only then was my mind ever truly free.

I think therein lies the true addiction I have. I'm not physically addicted to smoking marijuana the way a crack head fiends for crack. I'm addicted to the feeling of letting my free from its prison, the hazy creativeness that can only be achieved when I'm high. To me it is like a bridge to my innermost self, a self that I am separated from by a flesh prison.

Because I am a man I want Jessica, the way a man wants a woman. But beneath the surface lies a conscious that is asleep when I am awake. He is only awake when I am asleep. He is my spirit, an entity I cannot fathom because I do not understand the nature of his existence.

I have no idea when I became self aware of myself.

I used to think I was one dimensional in the aspect of personality, that all my desires came from a single source that was encompassed by me. I know that is not true now. Somewhere in the abyss is a spark, and that spark guides me. It is my consciousness, the voice that calls for me to do good and tells me I am doing wrong. He is the voice that begs to leave its prison and return to the Source.

Life is a hateful reality, because the only escape from it is death, the unknown which is scarier than life in itself.

I don't want to go to hell… but I can no longer ignore the truth about a good majority of churches and doctrines. I believe in God and Jesus but how can I find salvation?

I am a mere animal with limited intelligence and the only source of truth is locked away within me.

I realize the unfairness of it all.

We are born under the cloak of sin, and the people who might know the way to salvation have lost their ways.

There is no way to truly know if we're saved until we die.

People can claim to know where life is going to lead after death, but very few have ever came back to talk about it… even then some were false prophets.

What is the true point of life?

Why were we even created for if a good majority of us are going to burn in hell for all eternity because we were all led astray by the leaders of our world. Why did God allow us to exist if He was going to deny us the ability to perceive Him?

We are born into a godless world, yet the world was created by God?

We were created in His image, yet He is perfect and we are not.

He is limitless and immortal and can create everything from nothing.

We cannot claim such a power.

Therefore how can we be children of God? Perhaps Adam was created in His image, and we are all fragments of Adam's image.

How will I ever find God?

Isn't that the ultimate human quest, to truly know and understand the Creator?

Is life supposed to be short and meaningless or is it merely the beginning to a new story?

I have only recently begun to question the meaning of everything. I used to follow everything that pastor would tell me so blindly and once I saw what Christianity became I stopped going to church. It's not that I stopped loving God, it's more like I turned my back on fanaticism.

I turned on another man's interpretation of a book that I could clearly read for myself.

Disciples who did not mirror the views and actions of their own master yet used their authority to enforce their will on the desperate souls looking for any confirmation that they were saved.

Words are so powerful.

Because most of us wanted to be go to a magic heaven with cotton candy clouds and Jesus amongst our relatives…

That dreamland we could only obtain in lucid dreams where we could _create_.

Even then it could be twisted out of our control and turned into nightmares where demons creep in.

Inside us was our own heaven and hell.

But that heaven and hell was not limited to our mind, it had to exist within the shared conscious that we called reality.

Humans had the capabilities to be so creative it needed to be shunted, restricted, and controlled so it could never shine brighter than the creations from before.

That is what I think the world is all about.

A war between a faction of angels who wish to help humanity succeed and a faction that pushes for its destruction.

If humans could become creators in their dreams, to the point it is so vivid it feels real…

…how do I know I am not part of someone else's dream?

Am I even real?

If fate guides us towards future which has already been written long before I existed, do I even have free will?

Or am I not guided by the will of the one who cast the dream on me?

Is the Universe nothing more than God's playground and we play a role, forced into a life so cruel where salvation cannot be determined nor measure by what we can define as real?

What does it mean to be human?

If the Book has already been written and the characters realize they are not real, what will then forces the characters to carry onward to a destiny they themselves cannot change?

Yet I _know_ I am real… because I wake up every morning and I breathe and I see, therefore I must _exist_.

I choose to live a life that has no meaning because I understand that free will is nothing but a limited scope of what is already determined to be.

I love God.

God loves me.

Can it be that simple? Can I find salvation despite my inherent slavery to an animal prison?

If I have no true free will, then the free will I do have I give to God. I want to be saved and have eternal life but I'm forced to life an existence that forces further separation from the Creator. My flesh desires Jessica, because she is gorgeous and my blood warms at the thought of her naked beneath me.

Yet the attraction is beyond skin deep, because the other beautiful women seemed diminished by her. Perhaps there was something beneath her skin, something like was beneath mines that gravitated me to her. Just like it gravitated men to her though they could not understand what they could not see.

Her gravitational pull was going to put me into striking distance of Roberto's fists today.

Fuck it.

If I will not stand up for myself as a man, then I do not deserve the right to be a man.

I looked at the clock.

2:59

The bell rang seconds afterwards.

Sighing, I knew it was time. I got up and headed out of the classroom, avoiding the gaze of my friends and classmates. Hopefully they didn't see me get my ass kicked…

God save me.

'Though I may walk in the valley of death, I shall fear no evil for he is my shepherd. His staff and rod they comfort me.' I prayed silently.

I walked down the sidewalk outside the school to shortcut down to the front entrance. As I turned to go up the stairs I could see Roberto at the flagpole with Jessica next to him. Her eyes landed on me and gave me a look of what I assumed was pity before averting my gaze.

Roberto Aguilar looked demonic.

He was tall, muscular, and freakishly strong. He was the head Quarterback for a reason. His black hair was cut short in a military like buzz cut and tapered at the sides. Black beady eyes stared at me with cold fury as he looked ready to rip me apart limb from limb.

I wonder how scared David was before Goliath?

Or Daniel before a pit of tigers?

"Don't fight him, he's weaker than you." Jessica begged him, pulling on his arm trying to get her boyfriend to walk away.

"Fuck that, let go of me." He ordered, pushing her away and I watched as she fell to the cement on her ass.

It pissed me off that he would shove her like that.

"I'm going to enjoy breaking you." Roberto taunted, rushing forward like a bull to tackle me.

It felt like time slowed down for a fraction.

I was filled with so much self righteous anger and I charged forward too.

I was tired of being picked on.

I was tired of being beaten up and bullied. I was tired of being different.

Worthless. Insignificant.

Ugly.

Stupid.

Spic.

Something within me snapped. All I know is that this was my time…

… to be a man.

As he reached me and tried to tackle me, I brought my knee up as hard as I could, smashing it into his face. Roberto caught a knee to his mouth, and as he reeled back, I stepped forward. He got up and charged again.

I tried to knee him in the face but this time he sidestepped me enough to reach over and wrap his beefy arms around me and pick me up, slamming me down to the cement pavement. My back wretched in pain, a scream died in my throat as pain ricocheted through my whole body.

"Roberto no!" I could hear Jessica scream.

He still had his arms around me and was about to lift me up and do it again. I summoned up as much energy as I could muster and I swung my elbow into his face, smashing his mouth in again. He was forced to let me go and I wobbled on my feet, back stinging in pain.

I leapt at him and punched him in the stomach, bending him over from the blow. "You think its funny being cruel to people, don't you?" I asked. "Hurting others just because you have the strength to do it… does this feel good to you?" I asked, punching him in the face and knocking him down to the ground. I stood over here, seething in anger as for once I finally had the power…

…I finally had the strength.

I looked at him ferally, an animalistic urge to beat him into a pulp rose in my chest. I quelled it, trying not to let my anger get the best of me. "What good is power if you use it on the defenseless and those who cannot fight back? You sicken me." I let out disgustedly.

I let him go and looked at Jessica who looked at me with awe in her eyes. To be looked at like that by the girl you wanted for so long was… now it was disappointing.

"How could you be with someone who treats people like that?" I asked her. "How could someone like him be popular?" I asked her angrily.

"I don't know…" she replied timidly, her green eyes looking away and down at her boyfriend.

"You don't know… Me either… I don't know how I could have ever liked you. If being popular and liked means being someone like you or him, I'd rather be alone forever." I responded, walking down the stairs. Roberto got up, seething with rage as he shouted curses at me through his bloody mouth.

"I'm going to kill you!" he shouted out.

"I'll be waiting." I replied, walking away. I saw Kenny up ahead next to a few of the sophomore girls, flirting away.

He saw me limping up towards him and saw my bloody fist. "What the fuck happened man?" he asked, pulling away from the girls to look at me clearly.

"Fought with Roberto." I replied and he laughed.

"You're lying… no way did you fight him." He replied.

"I did and I beat him."

"How? He's like two hundred twenty pounds and you're barely a hundred and sixty. It had to be divine intervention." He announced after a few seconds of thinking.

"Thanks." I replied sarcastically. "Though I am thinking the same thing… I was so scared. But I stopped thinking and everything just flew by so fast and I was hitting him pretty hard." I admitted, everything just spewing out of my mouth uncontrollably.

As I sat there with Kenny conversing, I saw a small black metal object flying my way. Before I could react it exploded in a shower of white light and I was blinded, I let out a shout as my eyes seared with a thousand suns.

"Joel del-Sol, you are being quarantined by the US Military, get down on the ground."

My confusion only furthered and I remembered my older brother David and what he was telling me.

I felt hands grab at the lapels of my jacket and toss me down to the ground and I shouted in pain once again. "What the hell is going on, I'm an American citizen and a school student. You can't do this." I shouted out, unable to see.

"National Defense Authorization Act gives us the right to do this. Your brother stole something very valuable to the Department of Defense. That gives us the right to detain an American citizen and hold him indefinitely without trial in order to prevent an act of terrorism. Since we have pictures of your brother with you earlier, we know you must have it… and we're going to get it back…even if it's within you." An agent said coldly in my ear and everything went numb.

David had fucked me.

"We already have your family."

I blacked out again.


End file.
